No more ole-ole Bali!

I miss having good food for lunch these days.
I miss having rice.
Sometimes i feel like having instant noodle,
Most of the time i feel like having latte after my lunch,

every morning i feel like having nasi lemak,
but muesli is all i stick to til end of next month,
in between work, i feel like munching on snacks,
cookies are my favourite,
but i can only munch on fruits now....

Argghhh.....losing weight frustrates me!



...from now till end of march, i have to forget all these,
i'm on a strict diet and i wanna lose my flabs around me,
thankfully, my colleague is here to accompany me,

i miss having ole ole bali for lunch!

ok, i damn emo when i look at the sambal ok.?
i love spicy food...

Grandpa, grandpa!

This is a story of a man who was admitted to hospital due to uti, urinary tract infection, go wiki if u wanna know more, but it's a problem where there is a frequent urge to urinate and a painful, burning feeling in the area of the bladder or urethra during urination. Also feeling over—tired, shaky, washed out—and and even painful even when not urinating.

anyway, that's not the point of my story,this man i was referring to is my grandfather. and this is him waiting for all my uncles to come a.k.a his sons...and my mum which is the daughter. he was admitted to A & E at 11 am, because it was a Sunday, and he could not wait for monday because monday was also a public holiday which is thaipusam...and i dun think any human could have waited for so long to be saved....

he was already in pain and feeling discomfort all over on the saturday, he tried to call everyone (his sons) on the sunday morning,
as usual my uncles have all turn to deaf ears because they were all too busy with their own lives and their schedule...my mum was like 100 km away and the only person whom my grandpa could actually reach was me...

We admitted him and he was unto all this tube up and down...

it breaks my hearts to see him in soo much pain because the nurses were hostile as they tried to poke his veins for av..grandpa still tried to remain macho even in his seventy
he tried to take the pain..but i could see how hard he had grasp the handle of the chair, i could see his knuckles turn white and i knew it was not jus a wee bit pain....which he told me later....
siu siu thong la which mean (jus a little bit pain)

For many hours in the ward he stood n stand, occasionally he fell asleep perhaps about 5-15 mins, but he keep waking up cause he said he was not comfortable sleeping in the hospital...

he keep asking me if all my uncles knew he was admitted....(duh! of course they knew)
but they didnt turned up..

Each hour from 2 pm onwards. my grandpa keep asking me if my uncles knew which ward he was admitted,i assure him that i ...jus like him... had call all of them to come and see their ONLY FATHER .... but none of my uncles called,

nor did they bother about their own father being admitted in the hospital,
or what was his condition,
or whether it was serious,
or perhaps jus call me to speak to him,

no ...!!!they did nothing....

i do wonder sometimes what is so important than the person who raise them up...
my grandpa may not be a good father because life was difficult last time,(which i will blog about another time, when i have time, geddit ? nevermind...)

but all my uncles (in this case is 3 of them)were having their own business and each of them are living quite a good life,sometimes.... it's their wife who scares me....
well...actually.... most of the time their wife scares me....
but how can they be so caught up??

Would my cousin go and see their own father who is admitted in the hospital when they are old one day? (which in this case is my uncles and my cousins; is their son)

further more, my uncles have been staying in a radius not more than 5km from my grandparents...and what could normal malaysian be doing on a sunday except lazing around at home or shopping?

my grandfather complaint,

a little while he would ask me to list down items he need,

a little while more he would say that he dun need them all,

later he would need another blanket,

or what if he get hungry at 12.30 am,

he is so random i tell you,

more random than me..

T________T


finally when it was about 7.30 pm,i guess that they all came and make a great entry of course, bringing my grandmother as well as the entire troop...i think the whole bed was crowded....more than 10 people..

my grandfather complaint and grumble a little when he saw my cousins, but i knew deep inside his heart,
he was glad,
he was happy,
their presence means more than the dessert that my grandma brought,
althought i think, the dessert is good enough to make him happy....

later before i leave he told he wanted Kay f See ??
his favourite KFC....with mash potatoes

quite demanding also for a patient...


But KFC also KFC la....what else can a grandfather ask for??

not like he can play PS3 or PSP?

The Day You Went Away

Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me

Call me crazy, call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid
After all of this time

Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do

Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

I remember date and time
September twenty second
Sunday twenty five after nine
In the doorway with your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces

And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again
I know, I guess I really really know

Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

The day you went away
The day you went away

Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do

Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

Why do we never know
What we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you
So much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

The day you went away
The day you went away

Remembering you for who you are!

I was down with flu and fever,as I sip the hot milo, I remembered you;

How you would come to comfort me when I’m not well,

How you would cover me with the sheets jus to keep me warm, and you would make me a cuppa of anything hot..yes, I would love to have that….to be embraced by you even though you know that I’m sick, it feels good….

to be loved;

to be hugged;

to be kissed at the forehead assuring me that i will be okay;

“ hey, what are you daydreaming about?” my mum broke my thoughts....my reminiscence

i saw my reflection in my coffee; and the reflection turn into yours; i see you...
i see your smile;
i see you assuring me again;

i stir the coffee with the spoon i held with my thumb; the reflection has gone,

in reality

Nothing stays the same now, everything has change,

For now and also for the future,

the coffee that i drank is half full ; or half empty

whatever you want it to be;

because it has always been your calling;

i could only wish the best to you because you always had, and will always be!

My emo days are coming bac!

Yes, life pretty sucks these few days , apart from dating, I really have no idea where my life is heading towards now.. I’m in a dilemma where my passion is still for property and whether I should really pursue it.

On the other hand, I’m dying for a break, perhaps an escape island to the tropical beach where mobile phone doesn’t exist!

City life making me mad and I wanna go home ( sing along Michael buble song)

Ok, I’m geetin emo now, so when I’m not so emo I will give a good post!

Chiaoz!

I never said that I was normal

Before I start posting up the Bangkok side of part 2, I jus wanna share a little short story about me….

It happen this weekend, and I have been pretty much playing dressing up to work,

if you asked any girls,

They love playing dressing up;

That why when they were kids, they have dolls with hundred of clothes so that they could dress the doll up and imagine the doll will have its very own occasion.

Fast forward 20 years, the doll will basically turns out to be themselves because they will go shopping and by hundreds of clothes and dress themselves up.

Me?

I fall into this category of vain…..

Yes, I go shopping,

And I buy clothes that I love ….not one but more than that la ok?

And the clothes would jus be simply plain it there is not bags or shoes or bangles to go with…..

And yes…in additional, I also enjoybuying others stuff besides clothes as well…..

Bags, shoes, make-up, blings, yada- yada…..

Lets jus say I enjoy buying stuff for myself…sound selfish?...

you bet I do…..

I did mentioned that I was in Bangkok last month, and yes, there were numerous clothes for me to wear even up to this date. After Chinese new year, I have been wearing different outfit everyday to work until yesterday, because I have this particular shirt that I have wanted to wear ever since I bought it in bangkok and its not officially launched by me yet…. and I’m dying to wear it…..

Since it was a Friday , I thought that I may as well go for the rugged outfit that has been hanging in the cupboard calling my name to wear her…

A quick check at my diary shows that I will not have any appointment an so I did, I wore that outfit wid striking colour of blue and pink with plunging V-neck line..

I’ve matched my clothes with the boots that I borrowed from my mum and the handbag….

When I have reached office, my colleagues came over to comment on the clothes; the boots and the usual stuff that they asked…my boss..nope… he never bothered…

However, He was walking towards the pantry when me and my few colleagues were chatting about the clothes that I wore… a fellow colleague was trying to pull my boss legs and and said

“ hey boss, you see yr assistant everyday also wear until so “geng”

his reply came in quick “ I never said that she was normal”

…(in my heart, i could not agree more, people who knows me know that i;m "sot")

and there you have it….my fellow colleague gave a good laugh..

… I could not agree better, I have never been entirely normal when it comes to dressing up ..even..during childhood or even in church.. you can literally check with my homies fren, they will reveal the answers.. ..

be in normal or not….. … if you feel good today, go play dress up!

Argument!

In every argument, there is never right or wrong

Because everyone wants to be right,

Therefore they will argue that the other party is wrong,

In the end, the argument does not end,

The heart is broken,

There is too much silence

No one is happy,

Yet, knowing that,

Nobody wants to come out to admit that there are wrong

Not because that their opinion is wrong,

Or they have lost the argument,

But the pride itself,

Because to start an argument itself is wrong,

Both parties is wrong,

Both parties get hurt,

Heartbroken,

It breaks the spirit,

Knowing the person you love,

Is not in tuned with you.

I am the beloved daughter !

I’ve jus hanged up after talking to my mum for about an hour. Dun misunderstood, it was a friendly conversation with her. In fact, I enjoyed catching up moments with her on the phone nowadays compare to days in my teenage years where I used to succumb to all her needs…..

But I guess times have changed and I had became a parents to my mum rather than my mum to me…………..well that’s because she would do gardening in the rain and she would play tennis even her leg hurts…doesn’t it sound like a 6 year old to me?

Anyways, I was on the phone and I was referring to the snapshots that we took about the dress that I wanted to have ( my mum is a professional tailor btw).. she was stating that she already sewed the few design that we initially agreed on previous week….and i'm now following up with her yet another design.....

Add poor her, while she was sewing for me all these dresses, she was boycott by “Emo Elaine” and “Esther the couch potato”.. they were complaining & nagging on how my mum would sew all the dresses for me only to sew theirs later; they were obviously jealous……LOL..or so to say….

Both of my sis were nagging my mum on how she spoiled me and how they had ask my dad to stood by their theory and sing the same frequency as both my siblings….of course being a normal human dad would jus agree….

Who wouldn’t?? Especially when my dad has both noisy voices on both left and right side, my dad jus agreed “ ya ya ya u sayang her tooo much” as he speaks in a very low tone to my mum…

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Deep inside my heart I couldn’t agree more… (I knew that I was my mum favourite) as I hear my mum ranting about how my siblings were treating her on the conversation jus now….. ... I also knew that my mum love em’ all the same, which parents wouldn’t?? and they would give their all for their children happiness…..maybe jus a little more love for me ; )

The truth…....as to why I am the favourite? Well, lets jus say that I never fought back, an even if did, I will later feel remorse and I would apologize to my mum..yeah…. I was a goodie good shoe (emo Elaine is going to vomit is she reads this) ….reality check? You can ask my mum….

siblings rivalry will always happen and i'm still my mums beloved daughter!

"r u your mum's favourite? "

Those little things!

I was sick the during the weekend and if you want to continue reading this post, jus let me warn you that this is actually an emo post. So if you dun wanna get emo, so stay clear out of this post k? dun say I didn’t warn you.....

A little intro first, Those who knows me; knows that they do not need to worry for me, because I have always ..and have been …a very independent person. Be it at school or at college, my parents was not worried for me when I was studying for my exams or for my finals or what the hell I was doing during my mid-term, even when I shifted house or when I went traveling solo, did my first interview or my first job….. my parents need not worry… they knew that I would take care of everything.. But for being a sick person, that was my ultimate, because being independent means that even though you are sick, you need to take care of yourself, and this is the part that I hate most.

Being sick brings out the worst of me, I become a very cranky person, I will not see a doctor unless someone brings me there and even after that; I will refuse to take medication and I refuse to eat when I’m sick because I don’t have the appetite.. I will keep vomiting and medicine won’t help, I will stay in bed until someone comes and pampers me..this is me ……..(when I’m sick)

But being sick and being independent makes me frustrated; even when I was sick 2 days ago, lying on my bed,....I remembered how was it like to be pampered by the person I truly love and treasure most, the times when I had H to be wid me.. (lets jus call him that)

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When I was admitted in the hospital because of pneumonia in Year 2006, (yes , it was a year ago, but still..) .. he was always there,when i needed him, to be wid me and stroke my forehead before I shut my eyes when I open my eyes..he will be there, smiling...

During that time, H had stopped worked completely to take care of me. No man would do that..and he did. He knew that I could not be alone when I was sick, he would let me rest on his shoulder and comfort me to make sure that I will be alright. he will hug and squeeze me tight telling me that i should gain more weight.

Yes, H would also sit beside me during meal time making sure that I eat every single food on my table, he would make tea for me to smell the aroma because I could not drink it; but at least to enjoy it;

he would crush all the tablets and put it into small capsules that he sneak in so I would eat the medication;

he would let me sleep on his arms even though the weight was causing him cramps and he would kiss my forehead and whisper into my ears stories of his..and blah...blah... before I shut my eyes and go to bed……

Those little things that he did ….those little things that he said….

Well, they aren’t little……….